Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Best story I could get from an item from my desk

This was on my Facebook from a few days ago but I now have a blog so why the heck not?

Barry the Bear was a happy cub in Hawaii. He frolicked in the sand, played in the grassy fields, and was in the luaus every night! His mother, Cara the Cougar, took care of him, and even though he was different from her, she loved him all the same. Barry the Bear had no problems fitting in at school, because everyone realized that just because Barry the Bear was different didn't mean he was bad, in fact, his differences made him unique and interesting! Unfortunately not everyone at Barry the Bear's school agreed, Garry the German Shepard hated Barry the Bear. He said Barry the Bear could never be as good as everyone else, because he was a Bear.

Despite this, Barry the Bear became much more successful than Garry the German Shepard could have ever hoped to be. The best Garry the German Shepard got was a bounty-hunting show on A&E. Barry the Bear overcame the prejudice against him and went to the best school in the world, Clawvard. He moved to Chicago, home of The Bears, and ran for Senator. Barry the Bear won on the policy to promote change and prosperity in the Animal Congress.

And things got even better than that! Barry the Bear was pushed by Nancy the Naked Mole Rat to run for president! Despite fierce opposition from John the Jackrabbit, and vicious smear campaigns smearing him as an Animalist, he won with an overwhelming majority!

Soon he began instituting changes he promised he made. Unfortunately the leaf market crashed, and the country was in ruins. Instead of dealing with these problems, Barry the Bear kept pushing the wasteful agenda he had before the collapse, which was simply not sustainable with the lack of wealth. The people became concerned, and protested.

Barry the Bear heard them, and wanted to change, but he went in a radical direction. He started stealing all of the leaves from the hard working, bountiful animals, and gave them to the lazy, cold-blooded animals that remained still for days, even weeks at a time! This upset the animals greatly. They protested again. Barry the Bear thought that no matter what he would do, people would hate him for it. So he decided to do what he wanted to do, and what he thought was right.

Despite Barry the Bear's good intentions, the power he had corrupted him. Soon he started forming legions of cub military forces, which he called the Barry Youth. He gave these squadrons massive power over normal animals, and they soon began to oppress dissenting opinions under the excuse that they were detrimental to what Barry the Bear was trying to do.

50 years later, Barry the Bear is still in power. The ecosystem never recovered from the economic collapse, even though foreign ecosystems prospered. Animals wait for hours in line for Veterinarian care, and panels of Bears decides which animals get euthanized and which live. Food, and all other goods, are handed out in rations, and to get a ration one must wait in line for hours at a time and present proper identification. If identification is lost, it may take 2-4 weeks to receive a copy, during which time most animals starve. This once thriving forest is now reaching it's eternal autumn, and we can only hope that after Barry the Bear's tyranny ends, the ecosystem changes back to how it used to be, to the goldfish-fearing woods it was intended to be by the Founding Ferrets.

                                                   His eyes don't shed one ounce of discourse


  1. Nice story. I have no idea what your talking about, but it was still entertaining :P

  2. I agree, Barry took my wife from me and didn't care.

  3. followin 'n' supportin 'n' fappin bro :)


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  4. Barry the bear? WTF is going on here???

  5. lol that was a good read :P

  6. Now where have I heard this before? :P

    Great post, thanks! :)

  7. Great post!

    looking forward to reading the next one